Matters of Devastation and Unrecognised Size

I'd like to start by apologising for the fact I haven't posted anything on here in months now. Hopefully, my humblest apology will make up for this. Otherwise, I would be happy to arrange a fight to settle this - it will be a tables, ladders and chairs match with a 5 minute time limit. I look forward to your offers.

So we've established that I'm more or less shit at this, which does at least mean that the expectations of anyone reading this are lowered, which is win-win for me really. What I can offer though, is the ever-useful ability to talk pure, unrefined bollocks. This is a lot like unrefined cane sugar, only less refined. 

Speaking of home baking, no-one seems to have any information whatsoever regarding the WORLD'S LARGEST SIEVE (caps were used to suggest the presumed largeness of said sieve). If there does exist somewhere an outrageously massive version of the popular kitchen item, surely some must have seen it, since you would think it must be quite large? However, if no such sieve exists, then this must mean that out there somewhere will be a seemingly ordinary sieve that is actually fractionally larger than any other sieve ever to exist, and thus deserves this prestigious title. Check your kitchen now,  because you (yes, you) could be inadvertently keeping the secret of THE WORLD'S LARGEST SIEVE. 

The penultimate item of today's post will be a lesson we can all learn from, a reading from my very favourite (fictional) book:

"And so, after a long silence, the Jellyfish said to the Clock

'What's the time?'

The Clock said simply

"You tell me"

Sadly, the Jellyfish had no eyes"

It tears me straight to the core.

Lastly, for those of you thinking of holidaying abroad this year, I can wholeheartedly assure you that Tajikistan suffered from a devastating civil war which lasted from 1992 to 1997. A civil war is actually a lot like a child falling over, which is devastating for any child.